Smoked Buffalo: what went inside.

What appears to be a fairly simple design from the outside is anything but. First there was the smoke machine – a complex device capable of adjusting the smoke output in a variety of ways. The smoke had to be diverted to each of the 3 smokestacks, and since they don’t make smoke splitters, I had to rig a variety of plumbing supplies to do the job.

The stacks themselves had to allow smoke to exit at the top but prevent rain from entering. An internal pipe and water deflector addressed that problem, and a heavy grill was added to protect curious hands. Unfortunately, the smoke from smoke machines tends to settle instead of rise, and the rain run-off slots at the base of the stacks allowed smoke to escape. To prevent this I devised a water trap much like the trap in sink drains, which allowed water to run out, but kept smoke in.

Condensation from the smoke collected in the tubing, so a method of continuously draining the fluid to a reservoir was devised. A timer was added to allow the machine to automatically turn on and off during “business hours.” At some point I consulted an electrician about what made “outdoor” electrical cable safe from shock hazard. The answer was “nothing,” so a ground fault interrupter was added to insure safety.

Internal access was provided by a trap door on the bottom, the Buffalo’s penis making a convenient “doorknob.” Naturally, a means of securing the door – without the use of an unsightly lock – was needed. The result is a complex double door that conceals a lock inside.

When I read the smoke machine instructions, I learned that it should not be operated in temperatures above 130˚. Having spent some time with my entire 225 pound body inside the Buffalo, I knew that it got pretty hot in there. So I added a ventilating system to blow air in from the groin area and out through two grates between the front legs. Finally, after a week or so of carrying a flashlight in with me each time I stuck my upper body into the control center through the trap door, I added a light that was mounted from the “ceiling” of the interior.

None of this is apparent to the viewer who is only met with the improbable appearance of a Buffalo that smokes.